The Women Who Taught Me a Lesson or Three
A couple of weeks ago I was doing a presentation called “It’s Your Choice” for a group who are in 
career transition. The audience had a wide range of experience and skills, from executives to entry level, social workers to sales people, and everything in between. Uniquely, they all had two things in common: they are all female and they are all in career transition.
My presentation was part of an excellent program called “Focus”; it is designed to help women work not only on career planning, but on getting to know themselves a little better and on pursuing their dream careers. At the end of the program, they hosted a networking event and, this time, invited me to be the guest speaker.
The key message of my presentation pertains to increasing our awareness of how choice / decision making is so ingrained in our lives and how, each day, we are also making and reaffirming the bigger choices in life, such as our belief systems, our thoughts, and attitudes that tint our experiences.
My 90-minute session went very well. There was a great discussion about how much power each person had in that room in determining their outcome, their dreams, and making it happen. Overall, it was a great event; we had a lot of fun and learned a lot.
At the end of the session a number participants came up to say a few words about the presentation as they generally do after any session. One woman approached me and started by saying that when she walked in and saw that there was a male delivering the session, her first thought was just to turn around and walk away. But she chose (interestingly, since after all making choices was the subject of the presentation) to hear me out for 5 minutes and make a decision based on that.
Frankly, her comment caught me a bit off guard. Then she followed it up by saying, “but I knew right away when you started to speak and to share some of your personal stories that this was the place to be.” In the end she wanted to thank me because she thought the presentation was exceptional and that she had learned a lot, so she was very happy that she had stayed.
The first part of her comment had really struck a chord with me. It wasn’t because I felt offended or defensive, but truly because it was a comment that I had never received before. My “maleness” wasn’t something that I ever thought had any impact on my presentations before. I continued to think about what she had said, to the point that I searched for more input from the important females in my life, like my wife and a few close friends.
My three big lessons from that experience were:
1) Listen first. Don’t judge. Specifically, I’m referring to myself and reminding myself not to judge and say “that’s crazy thinking!” Just listen first and not judge–because there are probably many good reasons why she felt that way. If we are judging what a person is saying to us while they are saying it; are we really listening at all?
2) We all have unique challenges. Professional women have a series of unique challenges that I might never understand because I haven’t gone through those challenges myself. One of my unique challenges is living with diabetes. The disease itself is not unique, but, it is how I have learned NOT to make it an obstacle in my life by learning from others, which in turn allowed me to live well with diabetes. So, it is not a matter of the challenges we have, but how do we choose to look at those challenges and who in our support network may be a source of aid for us. Which leads us to the next lesson I learned.
3) The power of a community coming together as a team. These women came together and shared their unique experiences over those two weeks and continued to share them during my presentation in a way that is essentially no different from the way other communities work. Whether they are business communities or sports communities (I play a lot of sports, like hockey), they all illustrate how we can learn from each other through a community or team approach.
While at first her comment caught me off guard, I really want to thank the woman who came up to me with that comment, because it helped me articulate my thoughts and the lessons I learned.
Are you Comfortably Miserable? Three Action Steps to Get You Going!
We all know people that are very resistant to change. For some, everyday is like the movie
“Groudhog Day”, it’s the same day that just keeps repeating itself.
Don’t get me wrong, having some routine can definately serve you, but when that “routine” gets in the way of your happiness….it’s time to change.
A few years ago I received a desperate phone call from a former boss. She told me that her staff were at an all time low in morale and productivitity, and she didn’t know what to do. She thought that I could help.
A week later I found myself in a room with all her staff, about 30 in total. Many of the staff had worked there for a least 10 years and I had worked with most of them when I had worked there.
After listening to them complain for the better part of an hour (they were experts in complaining), I started to address some of the concerns and offer some alternative solutions.
That’s when one person, that I knew quite well, stood up and said: “Who do you think you are coming in here and trying to change things?”
Interesting.
They just complained about how miserable everything was, but they were not open to changing anything.
The complaints they had were the same that I had heard 5 years ago! You can likely guess the “warm” reception I received when I asked them, what they had done to change the situation, and if they thought that they might have played a part in the problems.
That’s when I came up with the term “Comfortable Misery”, you are miserable, but comfortable, so don’t try and change me!
If you, are someone you know suffers from “Comfortable Misery”, here are 3 things to do to get you going in the direction of happiness:
1) Challenge Your Beliefs - Beliefs are simply thoughts that we keep thinking. Do your beliefs serve you? Some of the beliefs I have heard from people living with “Comortable Misery” are:
- Work is not to be enjoyed
- Bosses are all (fill in the blanks)
- I will never get ahead
- People are selfish
Take 2 minutes and list as many of the beliefs that you have that don’t serve you.
For each one find at least 3 examples to challenge that belief.
2) Spend time with different people - If you hang out with the “Everything is Awful” crowd, get away from them as fast as you can! The negative energy is contagious.
There is a saying that you are the average for the five people you spend the most time with, choose wisely who you spend time with.
Volunteer with a local charity, join a book club, a running group, there are positive people everyhere, you just have to find them.
3) Take Time Daily to Thank - A great way to “shift” your energy is to take 5 minutes every morning to list all the things in your life that you are grateful for. Things like health, shelter, food, family, friends, employment…….and spend the day looking for all that is right with the world.
If you commit to these 3 simple steps you can say good bye to “comfortable misery” forever!
Life Lessons from a Great Chef
During my travels to New York City the last two years, I have been fortunate to meet many interesting people, who have become great friends.
One of those people is the Chef Miguel.
Miguel has a wealth of international culinary experience, and is currently running a very successful catering business.
So what can someone like me, with very little culinary skills, learn from Miguel?
Lots.
Here are 3 of the biggest lessons I have learned from Chef Miguel:
1) Passion and postive enegy is everything - When creating excellent dishes it is critically important that you are passionate and fully present in what you are creating. The energy you bring to the process will show in the end result. To have outstanding results you must bring positive energy to the creation process.
“Every job is a self portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence”
2) Always be Learning - The only way to continue to improve is to be open to learning new ways of doing things everyday. Miguel is both a master in the kitchen but equally important, a student; he never stops listening and learning from others.
3) Be Confident in Yourself - One of the biggest things that I noticed when first going to New York, was how often people walked against the little “stop” hand when crossing the road. Nothing wrong with it; it’s just a “New York” thing. I still find myself “hugging” the curb waiting for that little “walk” sign to give me permission to cross the road.
To say I have been teased a little about this is a major understatement.
When I asked Miguel, how he just does it, his response: “You have to own the road”.
Interesting, and I got the message.
Just yesterday I had a major presentation to make and I thought of Miguel’s words as I walked in confidently and “owned” the room. The ironic thing is that I have this confidence in most areas of my life, especially when I am presenting, but somehow Miguel’s words struck a cord with me.
Thanks Miguel for the great advice.
Sincerely,
Your Canadian Curb Hugging Friend
Don’t Whine, Complain, or Make Excuses
Sometimes the best advice we receive is simple, and easy to remember.
A few weeks ago I watched the ESPY awards on ESPN. The annual awards show celebrates the great moments in sports in the past year. Needless to say Michael Phelps was the big winner of the evening.
My favorite moment came late in the show when Don Meyer, a coach from a small school in South Dakota, was awarded the Jimmy V Award. The award is presented to someone who overcomes challenges, and in the process inspires many.
Don Meyer’s story definately meets that criteria. Hear about his story and watch his speech.
In his acceptance speech, Don talked about a conversation he had the previous day with legendary UCLA basketball coach, John Wooden. Mr. Wooden took out a card from his wallet, that his father had given to him when he graduated from grade school, on it are the words:
“Don’t whine, complain, or make excuses”
Simple and profound.
Since then, I’ve posted those words right beside my computer in my office, and have shared them with a few close friends. I have asked a few friends to hold me accountable to those words and to please let me know when I complain, whine or make excuses.
Although I thought of myself as being a very positive person, I was surprised by how many “little” things I complained about or how many excuses I made daily. It was a great reminder that each of us is 100% accountable for our actions and results.
Thank you Don and John, for the reminder.
Listed below are a few easy ways to keep this message alive daily:
1) Post these words where you will see them daily, beside your computer, on a card in your wallet, by the door in your house, etc…
2) Wear an elastic band on your wrist and snap yourself every time you complain, whine or make excuses.
3) Enlist your friends to hold you accountable, or to hold each other accountable. Make a game of it and deposit one dollar in a jar everytime you complain or make excuses.
4 Choices to Lead a Healthy, Happy Life
We make decisions everyday about how we choose to live our life. Sometimes, we need to take a 
step back and take a closer look at the choices we make on a daily basis.
Granted, sometimes things happen to us, that we would not choose, I didn’t choose to have diabetes, but I do choose how I live with diabetes.
I’ve listed below 4 Choices that I make everyday to lead a healthier, happy life:
1) Feed and Protect Your Mind Daily
I am very careful what I allow into my mind everyday. One of the things that I have gotten into the habit of doing is: limiting the amount of time I watch the news, or reading the newspaper. I used to read 3 newspapers daily, and I always watched the 11 o’clock news before going to bed.
Not any more.
Everyday there are incredible, positive things happening all around us, unfortunately they don’t make the front page of the newspaper, or the lead story on the news.
Protect and feed your mind daily by: reading a great book, listening to your favorite music, talking to a friend, or going for a walk.
The choice is yours, what you focus on does indeed expand.
2) Make Healthy Food Choices
I admit that before I was diagnosed with living with insulin dependent diabetes, I didn’t always make good food choices. Now it’s a priority.
The great thing is it is easy to do, but does take some planning.
Now I make sure to drink at least 6 glasses of water a day, eat my fruits and veggies, and limit the amount of caffeine I consume a day.
3) Exercise Daily
That doesn’t mean that you have to go out and join a gym, but rather make it a habit to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in New York City this year, and one thing New Yorkers do alot of is - walking.
If you have a busy schedule, get up a half hour earlier and get your 30 minutes in before the day starts. You will feel better, have more energy, and I’ve found that my best ideas come to me while I’m exercising (so much so that I carry a pen and a notepad in my workout bag).
4) Spend time in Silence
People that know me well, find it hard to believe that I spend time silent everyday, but I do.
How you spend that time is entirely up to you. Some people people meditate, do yoga, dream, write in a gratitude journal, the choice is yours.
Shawn Shepheard Speeches & Training Shawn Shepheard has worked extensively in the career development field, including recruitment, customer service, career management and leadership training. He is also a celebrated inspirational speaker and was named the 2008 Volunteer of the year from the Canadian Diabetes Association.
5 Life Lessons from the Golf Course
I played my first round of golf of the season yesterday.
I know it’s July, but for one reason or another I haven’t been out to play a round this year.
Although my game was a little less than perfect, I had a fantastic day on the course. I’ve always thought that the game of golf can teach us many life lessons. I’ve listed a few of them below:
1) Practice Makes Us Better
Golf is no different than most things in life, the more you practice, the better you get, period. You wouldn’t dream of delivering a big presentation without reviewing the material and practicing beforehand, same holds true for golf.
2) You Are 100% Accountable For Your Results
You can learn alot from listening to the people you play golf with. After a bad shot ,do they blame themselves, the wind, the club, the weather (insert your own excuse)?
Get into the habit of taking 100% responsibility for the results in your life, and not making excuses.
3) You Perform Best When You Are Relaxed
Remember your best round of golf this year? I bet you were totally “in the zone” and relaxed. It’s no wonder that the guy who rushes from his car to the first tee, checks his messages between shots, is not going to have a good game.
The best golf advice I ever received was short and simple, pick and spot where you want your ball to land before you swing, and focus on that spot. It’s sounds obvious, but often people just go and swing the club without deciding first where they want the ball to go.
The same thing holds true in life, as Stephen Covey, the author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” says, “Begin with the end in mind”.
5) Let It Go
In every round we are going to make some less than perfect shots, the key is to let it go and forgot about it quickly. The option is to keep that bad shot, and the feelings of frustration with us, and guess what, it will only lead to more frustration and poor shots.
Same holds true in life, learn from your mistakes, and move on.
Can’t wait to get back on the course really soon!
Small Acts of Kindness - Make a BIG Difference
I just returned from a fabulous week in New York City.
I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some fantastic people there during the past few years that have 
turned into lifelong friends.
Like the t-shirt says “I LOVE New York”
The stereotype of what New Yorkers are “really” like is simply not true. There are many great people and neighborhoods in New York; I strongly believe you will always find people that reflect the energy you are giving off.
Although I had been warned by many (some who have never even been to NYC), to stay away from Brooklyn, I decided to give it a try.
I am ever glad that I did.
I stayed in the beautiful area of Williamsburg, an area where people talk to each other on the street, and yes even….smile. For the most part, it is filled with many privately owned coffee shops, restaurants, drug stores, and unique shops.
In a word it is a “real” community, with “real, genuine” people (aka.. leave the attitude when you cross the Williamsburg Bridge).
On Wednesday morning I awoke, after spending a fantastic full day with a great friend, and decided to take a stroll in search of my morning coffee.
I found a bagel place that was bursting with energy and decided to give it a try.
Up on the wall behind the counter was a big sign that read “Welcome to Brooklyn”.
“Welcome”……hmm…that’s a word I don’t hear that often.
I stepped inside to watch a well choreographed “dance” of customers ordering, orders being called out, and people shuffling. I was a little scared to “interrupt” this dance, as I didn’t know any of the “moves”.
Picture, the scene from the “Soup Nazi” episode from Seinfeld, only much friendlier. I thought if I screwed up someone would call out, “NO Bagel for YOU!”
That’s when “she” appeared.
The lady behind me picked up on my confused look and offered to help. She explained the “dance” to me: pick your bagel; order what you want on it; shuffle to the left; order your coffee; pay and wait for your order to be called out.
I thanked her for her kindness for saving me, and she smiled back and said, “Welcome to Brooklyn” just like the words on the sign.
After completing the “dance” I found a place to sit down, enjoy my breakfast and dove right into the newspaper. Moments later, my “friend” tapped me on the shoulder to say goodbye and wished me a great day, and off she went.
Well, five days and five hundred miles later I’m back home, thinking about how this “stranger” totally made my day, not to mention that I’ve already told this story a few times.
To my “friend” in Brooklyn, thanks for reminding me about the the “Golden Rule” of treating others the way you would like to be treated.
And yes, I will be staying in Brooklyn on my next trip to the Big Apple.
Two Life Changing Lessons
Very often I am asked the biggest lessons, or best advice, I have ever received. Most times, people want a short, concise, and memorable response.
For that reason, I’ve spent alot of time thinking of the biggest life lessons I have ever learned, and I’ve now got it narrowed to two. Just as important are the key world business leaders I learned them from…
Cue the drumroll……
They are:
1) Your freedom to choose (Thanks Stephen Covey!)
2) Take more risks (Thanks Richard Branson!)
Let’s start with your “freedom to choose”. Everyday life presents us with a menu of choices on what we should focus on, and how we should react to what is happening around us.
Make no mistake, YOU are 100% responsible for what you give your attention to.
Everyday we make decisions about, what we are thinking about, our actions, our words, in short what kind of day we are going to have. We choose what we allow into our minds and bodies, and who we spend time with.
You are FREE to make those choices, so choose wisely on how you “spend” your time everyday.
The second BIG lesson I have learned is about taking some risks. I’m not suggesting going skydiving, but do something, anything to challenge yourself everyday.
We all know people who love to complain, yet never do anything about taking action to improve the situation they are complaining about. I like to call this “comfortable misery”; I may be miserable, but I’m comfortable.
Be open to taking some risks, hang out with different people, read great books, take a course, find people who you admire and talk to them….just do something.
Remember the old definition of insanity “doing the same things over and over, and expecting different results”.
Do something different today.
To learn more about these lessons from Stephen Covey and Richard Branson themselves, check out the new “Wisdom of Caring Leaders” corporate training video.
I show this fantastic 11 minute video at the end of my corporate training sessions, and audiences love it! Honestly, it’s pretty special to have Stephen Covey, Richard Branson, Anita Roddick, Jack Welch and Marshall Goldsmith back up what you just presented.
Want to be a terrible leader? Make sure to do these 7 things..
Leadership is a word that we hear alot about these days. There are lots of books, magazines, 
articles and people talking about what it takes to become a great leader.
Unfortunately, if you are like me, you’ve experienced many examples of terrible leadership.
I’ve listed my top 7 favorites traits of a terrible leader (and if you are interested in becoming a great leader, you guessed it, just do the opposite).
1) Be arrogant - after all you are “Kinda of a Big Deal”, don’t let anyone forgot how important you are.
2) Never ask for feedback - why? Read number 1.
3) Always find fault in what others are doing, and let then know how much they are messing up.
4) Don’t ever try anything new.
5) Punish failure and creativity from your staff.
6) Don’t ever plan for the future, it will take care of itself.
7) Don’t ever take responsibility for anything going wrong, assign blame immediately.
There it is in 7 simple steps. Hopefully none of these apply to you and your team. If I’ve missed any, let me know!
How can you make someone’s day today?
Last week I was travelling to speak at a conference in a small Northern town, when something incredible happened that totally made my day.
It all started like most of my travel days, you know, packing my bags, checking them twice, clearing my messages, and heading off to the airport.
The security check in line went great, and I headed to my gate.
When our flight was announced I headed outside, and up the tiny flight of stairs to our cute little plane which held 40 people.
Needless to say, there wasn’t alot of room, and the plane was pretty cramped. I silently wished for the person infront of me NOT to put their seat back, as they would end up in my lap.
The flight was noisy, but otherwise uneventful, when the person beside me struck up a conversation.
As it turns out his wife was attending the same conference that I was scheduled to speak at the next day. We chatted away for the rest of the flight, as the awkward “nice talking to you, have a nice life” goodbye was fast approaching.
That’s when he offered me a ride (a friend was picking him up) to the hotel I was staying at. “It’s no big deal, we are heading there anyways to meet my wife”, he said.
With that I said “Sure, that would be great”, and away we went (saving me the $50 cab fare).
The conversation during the ride was great, and we said our goodbyes at the hotel, likely never to see each other again.
While I am not suggesting you accept rides from anyone, this kind act totally made my day!
Which got me thinking “How can I make someone else’s day?” Remember it doesn’t have to be a big thing, so how about trying some of these ideas:
1) Smile
2) Use the persons name (it’s the sweetest word they can hear)
3) Say please, thank you, and sorry more often (and mean it)
4) Compliment them
Thanks to Dave in Sault Ste Marie for making my day, and silently encouraging me to pass it on.